My dad and I weren't close. I always felt loved and supported but we didn't really talk and he wasn't particularly involved in my life. I remember when he moved out of home, I was turning 17. He never talked to me about it. He just moved out. I sat in my room listening to music.
He is a man of few words, with a large stature and a strong presence. I've observed the intimidating affect this can have on others. He likes to drink and it's his way of connecting. He's a man with a big heart though; has a lot of compassion.
When I was in my early-20's, we got drunk together on wine and he told me how he was upset that I rarely visited or called him after he moved out and how that was a difficult time in his life. I told him that I was the child in that situation and there was no support given to me. I expressed all the things I was dealing with during that time that he was clueless about. A time later, we both admitted our faults during that period and moved on.
I didn't rely on him emotionally but I did want to gain his approval. Being a man of few words, I've rarely heard words of encouragement from him but those moments that I have, I distinctly remember. I've since let that need for approval fall by the wayside. I'm good. I don't need that from him. I've asked his advice/insight with major decisions in life. I might not necessarily follow his advice but I do respect it. My husband highly respects my dad too.
But I would liken my husband more to my grandad. He likes to talk to people and is genuinely interested in others. He'll talk and laugh and his presence puts people at ease. He rarely drinks. He connects through conversation and making others feel welcomed and included.
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